My Two Cents

I have been an elementary principal for twenty-four years. It saddens me to see more and more children coming to Kindergarten without understanding that there are boundaries in life, and that they serve an important purpose.

Even harder to handle are the parents who insist that the wrong-doing from their own child is somehow not of concern until they are satisfied knowing that the other children involved are also receiving the same discipline, even to the point of grilling the administrator for details regarding other children (which is of course private information). This should have no bearing on their own child’s actions. When a child has made bad decisions, we must teach them how to make better ones in the future. By placing the focus on everyone else, we teach blame, and not responsibility.

This is of growing concern to me for a variety of reasons, but today, I was struck by the Message version of Proverbs 25:28, that says, “A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.” It makes me so sad to see our children not learning how to self-regulate, and unfortunately, one only needs to head to a store in public to notice that far too many adults also have not learned this critical life-lesson either.

Decision-makers in public education have forced a pushed-down curriculum, where all five-year olds are expected to fluently read, whether or not their eye muscles are fully developed enough to track print. School leaders, in their efforts to meet the never-ending demands of accountability look for ways to prove they are closing the gap for at-risk students by dismissing sound research of developmentally appropriate practices in the name of intervention. Research shows us that cognitive structures are formed best and most deeply in early childhood through play, yet recess has been shortened in the name of rigor. Teachers are mandated to spend so much time assessing their students that they don’t actually have enough time to teach them.

We don’t fatten the pig by constantly weighing it.

My take on the fix is this:

1. Allow children to develop and move at their own pace according to their level of development. Teachers know when their students are ready to move on, and they should be the ones to decide when that happens—not some testing schedule. This is why teachers actually have earned a degree and many semester hours beyond that degree. Let them use their professional judgement and expertise.

2. Create more time for play. Play is not frivolous, but rather, sound research is clear in noting that cognitive flexibility is best developed through time and exploration of the world around us. If opportunity has not been given for ample exploration, children will struggle with academics. Bring back sand and water play, kitchen and dress-up areas. These are necessary first-steps in learning, and far too many of our children have not had these experiences available to them prior to coming to school.

3. Do not formally assess children until they are at least eight years of age. It is wrong to expect every child to be reading at the same level when their basic physical development may not even out until around age eight. We cannot ignore this well-known fact and expect more rigor and intervention to bridge the gaps.

4. Address the effects of generational poverty. In 1964, Lyndon Johnson’s “War on Poverty” began and our nation has made NO progress since. We know that the largest barriers to school success have most to do with the effects of generational poverty, yet we continue to look at programs and systems, and ways to make teachers more accountable instead of the source of this unfair and most uneven playing field. In every European country a free and high-quality daycare and preschool opportunity is given to every child from birth to age six. Until we address the inequalities of the experiences prior to coming to school, we will not get the results we expect to compete globally.

5. Demand parent engagement. Schools cannot close the gap alone. We must figure out how to change the culture so that parents know they are not only welcome but needed to assist in their child’s schooling progress. This is a two-way street. School personnel must learn how to become more open and welcoming. Parents must understand that their engagement matters.

6. Equip every school with fully-trained staff and space to teach coping skills and replacement behaviors to meet the ever-growing social/emotional needs of our children. Mindfulness rooms are popping up in many schools across the nation as safe spaces to teach the necessary self-regulation skills to be successful. Growing emotional intelligence has to come before expecting strong intellectual success.

7. Insist that all school personnel understand the importance of building relationships with students and their families. Create opportunities to encourage collaboration within the classroom and the community as well. Until we learn to “play nice,” it will be difficult to claim we are creating the citizenry that we desire for our nation.

When we quit pointing fingers and blame by truly addressing these concerns, I believe genuine positive change will take place.

Judgment Means Crossroads

The word Judgement in scripture comes from the Greek word "krisis" which means crisis or crossroads. Recently, a friend posted a picture on Facebook showing a young mother in an airport with her infant lying on what looked like a rather clean blanket on the floor, while she was looking at her phone. There were large red circles drawn around the cell phone and the infant on the floor. When I questioned why my friend posted this since we don’t know this young mother’s story, another person entered the conversation. It quickly turned quite ugly. In my attempts to explain that I have come to a place where I don’t want to cast judgement because of the plank in my own eye, I was brutally slammed as being judgmental.

Judgmental about being judgmental. Truly a conundrum, isn’t it?

I don’t like being viewed as being judgmental, however, the truth is, we all are. It is, after all how we are designed. From the earliest moments of language development, social scientists tell us, that this is how our brains function. It is actually quite fascinating to learn how we learn. The first thing we do when we receive new information is to decide how this new information fits into our existing schema (what we already know).

My favorite story that I use when I teach my undergraduate course on growth and development is from a memory I have of my best friend’s little boy, Jeremiah. We were driving on the highway, and we passed a van. Jeremiah, being about 18 months old at the time, pointed from his car seat, saying, “Look! Twuck!” His mom, my dear friend, said, “That’s a van. Can you say van?” To which Jeremiah replied, “Not a twuck!”

This is how we learn new information. It fits our current schema, or not. It is a truck or it’s not a truck, just like Jeremiah’s thinking at 18 months of age. Eventually, we learn there are more ways to describe the world around us, and thus our vocabulary grows.

This picture of the young mom on her cell phone, appearing to be ignoring her baby who is lying (on a blanket, mind you) on the floor of a public airport solicits very similar thinking.

That is: Good moms don’t ignore their babies and they don’t put them on dirty floors in public places. Just like Jeremiah’s “not a truck,” those re-sharing this picture have put this mom in the “not a good mom” category.

My thoughts on this are: We don’t know this young mom’s story.

Did she just come from a long flight where she held her baby for several hours, now awaiting her next flight with yet more hours of constant holding? Is she traveling alone with an infant? Is she raising this child without support? Did she think the baby needed to be flat for a few moments after being held on an airplane without much wiggle room?

The answer is, we don’t know.

So, until I learn someone’s story, I will choose to not put people in my own limiting categories. I would rather err on the side of grace. Slamming a picture on social media to show the world what it looks like to be “not a good mom,” is, in my opinion, quite the same as Jeremiah’s decision at that moment to not learn the word van, but to place this new vehicle into the “not a truck” category.

Life teaches us there are far more than two categories. Those of us who have been mothers understand that we all do things that very well might fit under the “not a good mom” slot. Does this make us not a good mom?

I sure hope I have journeyed beyond that place where I judge a person’s character based on one snapshot.

We come to the crossroads—the time of judgment. Do we cast our limited view, (good mom, or not a good mom?) or do we side with extending grace?

I am truly working more and more on extending grace. It may not be easy, but when I realize how much I pray others extend that same grace to me, it certainly becomes most important to live out the Golden Rule. (Remember that one? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you).

Next time you come to the crossroads of judgment, what will you do?

Rise Up

There’s an unsettling in my spirit. I can’t shake it.

At first, I thought it had to do with my own feelings of inadequacy and defeat. But then, I realized that it was way beyond my own skin.

I sense the enemy is gathering reinforcements and now is the time for warriors to rise up.

We have authority, but we have allowed it to be squelched in the name of social appropriateness.

We have power and discernment, but we have allowed the lies of the enemy to snuff it out and cause doubt to replace conviction.

We have a calling, yet we have made it about ourselves instead of remembering we are part of a Kingdom battlefront.

We have gifts and callings, but we have allowed the busyness of life to make us forget.

No more!

Rise up, church! Today is the day we need to stand firmly planted.

Today, we must remember who we are, and walk out our purpose.

Today, we must unite in prayer to stand with Jesus as together, we defeat the plans of the enemy to steal, to kill, and to destroy.

Today is the day.

Rise up, Church.  Hear the calling. Lift the veil.

Rise up!