Buried Baggage

            Today, I sit in awe of God’s majesty and how He continues to bless in spite of my shortcomings. I am currently doing purpose work through a mentoring course, and my focus has been on me for several weeks.

Frankly, I don’t like it.

Through this process, I am forced to reckon with the parts of me that I don’t want to be. I usually gloss over the deep, hidden barriers that I have buried under mounds of course-corrections, hoping that my Godly goals will cover over the junk that is, nevertheless, still there.

I know it doesn’t work that way, but yet, that is what I have been doing for a very long time. Far, far too long.

It seems to me that I have trouble finding the line between recognizing my sin in order to confess it so that I may move on; and wallowing in the mire of my faults and shortcomings. There is a very subtle boundary here, and typically when I begin processing my desire to dig up the buried garbage, I quickly feel defeated and so very unworthy of His time and love.

The truth is—I am unworthy. I always will be when I come with just myself.

The other, and way bigger truth, is—Jesus made me worthy. Because of Him living in me, I am no longer unworthy. This is what being free means.

So, here I sit, knowing I still have buried garbage that needs addressed, and not wanting to go through the effort of stripping away yet another layer of sin to pin to the cross. It is a painful process. I don’t want to admit that I haven’t fixed these areas of my life yet.

I wanted to believe that burying them would be enough to let me forget them. Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

Nope.

Now I see that unless I allow the blood of Christ to remove them completely—to be fully washed away—they will eventually spring to the surface in the ugliest of ways.

I also am learning that when they bubble up to the surface, they are even more abhorrent with the decay and rot of the burial I so carefully devised.

Today, I am allowing the Holy Spirit to dig up the garbage that I have wanted to stay buried at rest. I want to reckon with the reality that these things hold no power over me any longer, and I release them. I am trusting that I am now cleansed and made whole by letting go of the buried baggage.

It is amazingly freeing to know it is this simple.