It's All About Relationship

I was reading my John Maxwell Bible this morning, and a piece on leadership smacked me in the face. Maxwell described leadership in three ways. He said that leadership from a distance could, if done effectively, produce an amount of influence.  Leadership up close can create a state where followers want to emulate the leader. However, leadership through relationship creates an impact, in other words, growth and positive change happen through building trusting relationships.

This is such a valuable framework for all leaders to understand. If we want to see positive changes take place, we simply must invest time to know those we lead. When relationships are formed, people are willing to stand in the gap. They are more willing to overlook shortcomings. They are more likely to speak words of support.

I have witnessed leadership from all three views. I have personally experienced the value of building relationship. I know what it means to have others help fight my battles out of respect and belief in my core values. I also have witnessed leadership from a distance where no effort is made to connect with those within the organization. Then when there are trials facing the leader, few are willing to stand in defense or be supportive. Greater division ensues, and the “us” vs. “them” becomes magnified.

It is all about relationship. Current research tells us that nothing is more important. It makes me wonder why some in leadership positions cannot understand how the simple act of connecting with others will reap mountains of benefits. Relationship building is the greatest win-win and of course, having others who really care and value one’s leadership is a treasure beyond measure bonus.

Who Is Responsible?

            Today I found out that a high school student who recently made a terrible decision that resulted in tragedy for many others was one that I had at my school when he was very young.  While in first grade, he made a calculated and very bad decision that put him in a very dangerous situation.  When his family came in to discuss what we planned to do to ensure this never happened again, I quickly realized that they would not allow the six year old to own any of the responsibility. I did my best to apologize for our part, but I also knew in my heart that he also played a role.  He waited until his teacher was out for the day, and he created a multi-level plan to carry out his bad decision. I knew he had to understand his responsibility in what happened, but his family kept saying, “he’s only six.”  So in other words, young children don’t need to be responsible for their decisions.  We did not have a good resolution to this situation and the family moved him out of our district.

            This brought to mind something I did when I was four. A boy in my neighborhood thought it was a great idea to go across a very busy, six-lane highway to a school that had an open gym in the summer. When we crossed that highway, we could play basketball. I remember thinking how wrong this was, and I was very worried about getting caught. We didn’t get caught until the third time across the highway. When the police officer took us to our parents, his mom thought I was the bad influence and forbade him from playing with me for many weeks. I don’t remember my punishment, but I know it wasn’t my Mom that was in trouble – it was me. Of course it was a different era then. Today, a parent would be held liable for a four year old running across a busy highway unattended, but back then, the responsibility was placed where it belonged. I knew, even at four, I was making a bad decision, and frankly, I think I was relieved that we finally did get caught.  Yes, I was “only four”, but I knew the wrong decision I had made, and I knew there were consequences for that bad decision.

         Last night, my daughter and her family were at an ice festival. The temperature was unseasonably warm and the sculptures were quickly melting. She saw a young child running her hands over a dripping sculpture and gently told her that her hands would make the sculpture melt even faster.  Her mother glanced over and said, "she's four and she doesn't understand no."  Really? I think a 15 month old understands the word no!

            So back to this teenager. I am wondering how these recent events might have played out differently had his family reacted in a different way when he was six. He did play a role in that bad decision, but was told it wasn’t his fault. It was the fault of the grown-ups in charge. Thus the seeds of wrong belief are planted. When we blame those around us for our own actions, we never grow up into the kind of responsibility necessary in life.

            I am so sad at the news of these recent events, and I take no pleasure in knowing that I saw reason to be concerned many years ago when accountability was not taught, but my plea is that parents must understand that once a child is able to make a plan to do what they know they should not do, we must teach that actions have consequences and we must own the responsibility for our decisions.

Hope #3

Guard my life and rescue me;

do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord, is in you. Psalm 25:20-21

Today two things happened that gave me cause to continue exploring the topic of hope. 

First, I was offered the opportunity to publish my latest book with a vanity press. I really like this publisher and I like the people and the detailed support that they offer. However, it is a vanity press, which means I front the money. I have done this five times already with two different publishing houses, and have yet to break even with any of my books.

Secondly, I received a rejection from a literary agent.

Now, I could be very sad about the rejection, but I really am not. I am so grateful that this agent actually took the time to respond back to me in less than twenty-four hours. I have been waiting in silence with four other agents for the past three months.  I so appreciate his kind words to encourage me to continue my creative path.

That said, I am standing in a place I don’t like.  I can get my book out there with this vanity press. They will do a great job and it would be such a blessing to have my book in my hands and the hands of others.  Yet, I was reminded of something very important:  This new book is not my offering to the world, but rather a gift from God to use me for His purposes. I know I am to wait for the right agent. I know I am to stand in my integrity because I know where I place my hope.  If it is true that God gave me this book (which I believe that He did), then I guess it is up to Him to open the doors for that to happen.

With that said, I will wait in hope (and with much patience) for the door to open.  Either an agent will find me, or the sum of money to self-publish will land in my lap.  I can bask in the comfort of knowing that it isn’t my problem any more.

Then I remembered—It actually never was!

Hope -- Day 2

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

 Psalm 25:5

As I am pondering the topic of hope on this, Day 2 of my quest, I happened upon this lovely verse, Psalm 25:5. I began thinking about what it means to hope in God all day long, and I quickly realized how I fall so short of the mark here. 

I have hope in other things besides God. I really don’t want to think that I do, but it is the truth.

I hope that my broken elbow will stop hurting so I can get back to a normal routine.

I hope that I make a good meal for my husband and the house gets cleaned.

I hope that the bank account can stay full enough to pay the bills this month.

I hope that my children will call me.

I hope that the work I have to do to prepare for my University class will go smoothly.

I could go on and on and on.

There are many other places that I place my hope, yet the Psalmist is telling us to put our hope in Him alone.  It is when we do this, that we are guided by His truth and His teachings. 

He is God my Savior.  What am I saved from?

I am saved from the agony of physical pain, the monotony of everyday life, the tyranny of finances, the fear of broken relationships, the nagging lies of not being worthy or good enough.  Again, the list could continue forever.

The point is – as we place our hope in Him and Him alone, the other stuff just falls into place. 

I know when the angst of life gets a hold of me, it is a strong cue to reconnect. That gnawing feeling is evidence that I have traveled away from the vine and am not abiding there.  When I remember the proper order—God first, then the other stuff, all of the negativity seems to vanish, and what may have looked like overwhelming problems are now in balance once again.

It is a simple thing.  My hope is in You, Lord—all day long. It is really that simple!

Hope--Day 1

What strength do I have, that I should still hope?What prospects, that I should be patient? Job 6:11

The Merriman-Webster on-line dictionary defines hope when used as a transitive verb as:

           1. to desire with expectation of obtainment

           2. to expect with confidence
              (https://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/hope).

I looked up the term transitive verb too, since it has been awhile since I studied grammar.  Here is what I found: 

 A transitive verb has two characteristics.
First, it is an action verb, expressing a doable activity like kick, want, paint write, eat, clean
Second, it must have a direct object, something or someone who receives the action of the verb (http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/transitiveverb.htm).

In thinking about Job 6:11 in light of this definition, hope then, is an action of expectation in some outcome (direct object).

The second definition—confidently expecting something to happen—one would assume that this particular something would be a positive or desired something.

I have often come to the book of Job to learn how to depend on faith alone when all else seems to be falling apart around me. Job is asking how he could possibly still find a reason for hope. I think the end of his story is that God alone is hope. No matter what is happening—no matter how dreadful and hopeless things might appear, we still carry with us the real-live genuine hope in our living God. This is the same hope that Jesus kept in the forefront while enduring his torture and crucifixion. This is the same hope that his mother, Mary held in her heart when she faced ridicule and dishonor over a pregnancy out of wedlock. This is the same hope that kept Paul’s mental state confident and sharp enough to pen his amazing epistles even while incarcerated. Or that gave Stephen the ability to be at peace and ask forgiveness for his murderers as he was being stoned to death.

We have many examples of hope. When we expect with confidence that something better is ahead, that is hope. When we don’t look at circumstances, but rather expect to see the desires of our heart to come true, that is hope. 

I will be exploring this amazing gift that we have been given—the gift of hope. I know there will be many more nuggets of understanding a-waiting, and I am looking forward to (that is hope!) finding some incredible jewels in the days ahead.

Stay tuned!