Forgiveness

Today I am pondering how one learns forgiveness. Some recent events took place where I found myself like Paul, doing what I know I shouldn’t and not doing what I know I should. Yet instead of finding grace and forgiveness, I was struck with the reality of a person whose hurting heart was unable to forgive. The pain was deep and will be long-lasting unless God intervenes.

I am once again reminded of Jonah. His anger toward God ran deep for so easily forgiving the Ninevites.  God tried to teach Jonah through the gourd vine and the worm about his misplaced self-righteous anger because it was God’s decision as to how He would handle the people of Nineveh.  God asked him twice if he had the right to be angry (Jonah 4:4 and 4:9).

I wonder if Jonah actually became more forgiving after this experience? I wonder if he started to believe that people can and do change?

I also am wondering why it is usually easy for me to forgive.

I have not ever been one to hold a grudge. My mother, on the other hand, was quite the opposite.

Once I had a friend that really hurt my feelings. She and I had made plans for her to spend the night with me. When she didn’t show up at the expected time, I walked over to her house and found her outside playing with the grandchildren of her neighbor’s. I casually asked why she didn’t come over to my house as we had planned. She replied that she had changed her mind and would rather play with the young children instead.  Needless to say I was hurt. She didn’t call, and she didn’t even try to soften the blow that she would rather not be with me that evening.

My mom insisted that I write her off as a friend. She forbade me spending time with her anymore. I was able to last about a week, but I wasn’t really mad at her anymore. I wanted her back in my life, so I would sneak over to her house. When my mom asked where I had been, I lied and told her I was elsewhere. This went on for many weeks before I was able to be honest and let my mom know that I had forgiven my friend.

So if I didn’t learn forgiveness from my parents, where did it come from? I wasn’t a Christian yet, so it wasn’t from a work of the Holy Spirit in my life.  I guess it really must be a character trait to be able to get over the anger and the hurt more quickly.  I know my grandfather always did, so somewhere I guess I inherited his un-mad gene.

I understand that forgiveness is easier for me than many others, but that doesn’t remove the pain of being the victim of someone else’s unforgiveness. The reality is, I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I say and do things that I shouldn’t, but my heart’s intention really is to always be a blessing. 

I am grateful for the people in my life that actually take the time to see my heart. I am also praying for the Jonah’s I encounter. May they learn the freedom of forgiveness for themselves so that perhaps they might then be able to offer it to others in their frail and raw human-ness.