Structure

What thoughts go through your mind when you think of the word structure? 

For me, that word has always been rather confining, almost suffocating.

Today, Papa had planned an important lesson for me. I didn’t realize what it was until I was already starting to get rather annoyed at the crazy chain of events.

I had made arrangements to meet one of my University students to drop off a book after my normal morning swim time at the Y. Now this is not just your average student. She happens to be the Vice President of Student Affairs who for some reason thought it would be good to take some education classes. She chose mine. It’s a bit intimidating, but I try not to think about it too much.

I normally am heading to the pool by 7:00AM, but for some reason, I was a bit delayed this morning. I didn’t actually get into the water until 7:30AM.  Since I told her I would be on my way by 8:30AM, I knew I needed to hustle. I usually take about 50 minutes to complete my mile, and then of course there’s a shower, and drying my hair and all. If this had been just a typical college student, I would have blown it off and figured that 9:00 was just as good as what I’d told her. In fact, unlike my usual way of handling meetings, I gave her a specific time, when normally, I give a range. Too late now!

Once I got there, I realized I had forgotten my towel. Now, of course the Y offers itty-bitty towels which I take each morning to wrap around my hair—but there is no way that oversized washcloth can cover my body to walk from the shower to the locker. Feeling a bit unsettled, I knew that modesty was not going to be anywhere nearby this morning. Shaking my head, I wondered why I was so scatterbrained and was already wishing for a do-over for the day.

I knew right away, with the lateness of my start, I couldn’t do my entire mile, so I decided to just watch the clock to end at 8:15.  This sounded like a good plan, and so I started my swim. Except, I took off, leaving my goggles on the side of the pool. This was definitely unfolding as a very odd morning for something I normally do three times every week and have for years.

Now, for those who are not lap swimmers, let me explain a few things. Swimming a mile is 72 lengths of the pool, or in swimmer’s terms 36 laps (meaning down and back). I have a method for keeping track that helps me remember which lap I’m on.  Counting laps is tedious and it’s very easy to allow the mind to wander, forgetting where I am. I’ve come up with a way to easily keep count of my laps and to be able to allow my thoughts to flow at the same time.

Using the alphabet, I play a game in my head that I used to enjoy when I was younger. It was a game played while bouncing a ball, swinging the leg over the ball on the specific letter.

“A my name is Amy And my husband’s name is Arnie. We come from Alabama, And we sell Apples. B my name is Betty….

I do one set of five laps (A-E) in this way:  The first three (A,B,C) are freestyle; D is backstroke; E is with a kickboard. I then repeat the sequence with F-J, and have my first ten laps in. I repeat A-J again, and then continue through the rest of the alphabet. This makes 36 laps all together, and I don’t forget which one I’m on. When I’m in a hurry, I forgo some of the kickboard laps and add more freestyle, but you get the picture. This makes it easy for me to put my thoughts on other things and not forget where I am in the count.

So today, I decided to not count, but watch the clock. I couldn’t do it. I felt winded, thinking, should I do some backstroke now? How close am I? I was actually uncomfortable with the whole unstructured process, and figured I wouldn’t even get ¾ of a mile in this way. That is when the revelation came.

We need structures to move forward. I suddenly understood that the freedom I have with my structure in place allows me to focus on other more important thoughts, rather than just the monotony of back and forth swimming. I actually do a lot of mental processing during my swim time, but this morning, without that structure in place, all I could do was watch the clock.

Now this is a huge revelation, because I like to think of myself as flexible, and able to just go with the flow. Yet even in my flexibility, there remains a helpful structure.  It is also huge because I have just finished reading a life-altering book called, “Operating in the Courts of Heaven,” by Robert Henderson. In this book, Henderson describes the structure of how God answers prayer using a Heavenly court system. It is an amazing book, and if you are interested in learning why some prayers seem to go unanswered, this book is for you.

Something inside of me was balking at the structure Henderson described. I have always believed that the spirit realm was more fluid and intertwined, and yet this book illuminated the Heavenly structures that must be understood to receive answers to prayer.  I didn’t like the idea of the almost rigid feeling of a court system, and yet Papa taught me this morning that even in my own exercise program, I have a structure that I need to keep going. Without that structure, I fall apart.

I get it now.