It's All About Relationship

I was reading my John Maxwell Bible this morning, and a piece on leadership smacked me in the face. Maxwell described leadership in three ways. He said that leadership from a distance could, if done effectively, produce an amount of influence.  Leadership up close can create a state where followers want to emulate the leader. However, leadership through relationship creates an impact, in other words, growth and positive change happen through building trusting relationships.

This is such a valuable framework for all leaders to understand. If we want to see positive changes take place, we simply must invest time to know those we lead. When relationships are formed, people are willing to stand in the gap. They are more willing to overlook shortcomings. They are more likely to speak words of support.

I have witnessed leadership from all three views. I have personally experienced the value of building relationship. I know what it means to have others help fight my battles out of respect and belief in my core values. I also have witnessed leadership from a distance where no effort is made to connect with those within the organization. Then when there are trials facing the leader, few are willing to stand in defense or be supportive. Greater division ensues, and the “us” vs. “them” becomes magnified.

It is all about relationship. Current research tells us that nothing is more important. It makes me wonder why some in leadership positions cannot understand how the simple act of connecting with others will reap mountains of benefits. Relationship building is the greatest win-win and of course, having others who really care and value one’s leadership is a treasure beyond measure bonus.

Who Is Responsible?

            Today I found out that a high school student who recently made a terrible decision that resulted in tragedy for many others was one that I had at my school when he was very young.  While in first grade, he made a calculated and very bad decision that put him in a very dangerous situation.  When his family came in to discuss what we planned to do to ensure this never happened again, I quickly realized that they would not allow the six year old to own any of the responsibility. I did my best to apologize for our part, but I also knew in my heart that he also played a role.  He waited until his teacher was out for the day, and he created a multi-level plan to carry out his bad decision. I knew he had to understand his responsibility in what happened, but his family kept saying, “he’s only six.”  So in other words, young children don’t need to be responsible for their decisions.  We did not have a good resolution to this situation and the family moved him out of our district.

            This brought to mind something I did when I was four. A boy in my neighborhood thought it was a great idea to go across a very busy, six-lane highway to a school that had an open gym in the summer. When we crossed that highway, we could play basketball. I remember thinking how wrong this was, and I was very worried about getting caught. We didn’t get caught until the third time across the highway. When the police officer took us to our parents, his mom thought I was the bad influence and forbade him from playing with me for many weeks. I don’t remember my punishment, but I know it wasn’t my Mom that was in trouble – it was me. Of course it was a different era then. Today, a parent would be held liable for a four year old running across a busy highway unattended, but back then, the responsibility was placed where it belonged. I knew, even at four, I was making a bad decision, and frankly, I think I was relieved that we finally did get caught.  Yes, I was “only four”, but I knew the wrong decision I had made, and I knew there were consequences for that bad decision.

         Last night, my daughter and her family were at an ice festival. The temperature was unseasonably warm and the sculptures were quickly melting. She saw a young child running her hands over a dripping sculpture and gently told her that her hands would make the sculpture melt even faster.  Her mother glanced over and said, "she's four and she doesn't understand no."  Really? I think a 15 month old understands the word no!

            So back to this teenager. I am wondering how these recent events might have played out differently had his family reacted in a different way when he was six. He did play a role in that bad decision, but was told it wasn’t his fault. It was the fault of the grown-ups in charge. Thus the seeds of wrong belief are planted. When we blame those around us for our own actions, we never grow up into the kind of responsibility necessary in life.

            I am so sad at the news of these recent events, and I take no pleasure in knowing that I saw reason to be concerned many years ago when accountability was not taught, but my plea is that parents must understand that once a child is able to make a plan to do what they know they should not do, we must teach that actions have consequences and we must own the responsibility for our decisions.

Hope #3

Guard my life and rescue me;

do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord, is in you. Psalm 25:20-21

Today two things happened that gave me cause to continue exploring the topic of hope. 

First, I was offered the opportunity to publish my latest book with a vanity press. I really like this publisher and I like the people and the detailed support that they offer. However, it is a vanity press, which means I front the money. I have done this five times already with two different publishing houses, and have yet to break even with any of my books.

Secondly, I received a rejection from a literary agent.

Now, I could be very sad about the rejection, but I really am not. I am so grateful that this agent actually took the time to respond back to me in less than twenty-four hours. I have been waiting in silence with four other agents for the past three months.  I so appreciate his kind words to encourage me to continue my creative path.

That said, I am standing in a place I don’t like.  I can get my book out there with this vanity press. They will do a great job and it would be such a blessing to have my book in my hands and the hands of others.  Yet, I was reminded of something very important:  This new book is not my offering to the world, but rather a gift from God to use me for His purposes. I know I am to wait for the right agent. I know I am to stand in my integrity because I know where I place my hope.  If it is true that God gave me this book (which I believe that He did), then I guess it is up to Him to open the doors for that to happen.

With that said, I will wait in hope (and with much patience) for the door to open.  Either an agent will find me, or the sum of money to self-publish will land in my lap.  I can bask in the comfort of knowing that it isn’t my problem any more.

Then I remembered—It actually never was!

Hope -- Day 2

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

 Psalm 25:5

As I am pondering the topic of hope on this, Day 2 of my quest, I happened upon this lovely verse, Psalm 25:5. I began thinking about what it means to hope in God all day long, and I quickly realized how I fall so short of the mark here. 

I have hope in other things besides God. I really don’t want to think that I do, but it is the truth.

I hope that my broken elbow will stop hurting so I can get back to a normal routine.

I hope that I make a good meal for my husband and the house gets cleaned.

I hope that the bank account can stay full enough to pay the bills this month.

I hope that my children will call me.

I hope that the work I have to do to prepare for my University class will go smoothly.

I could go on and on and on.

There are many other places that I place my hope, yet the Psalmist is telling us to put our hope in Him alone.  It is when we do this, that we are guided by His truth and His teachings. 

He is God my Savior.  What am I saved from?

I am saved from the agony of physical pain, the monotony of everyday life, the tyranny of finances, the fear of broken relationships, the nagging lies of not being worthy or good enough.  Again, the list could continue forever.

The point is – as we place our hope in Him and Him alone, the other stuff just falls into place. 

I know when the angst of life gets a hold of me, it is a strong cue to reconnect. That gnawing feeling is evidence that I have traveled away from the vine and am not abiding there.  When I remember the proper order—God first, then the other stuff, all of the negativity seems to vanish, and what may have looked like overwhelming problems are now in balance once again.

It is a simple thing.  My hope is in You, Lord—all day long. It is really that simple!

Hope--Day 1

What strength do I have, that I should still hope?What prospects, that I should be patient? Job 6:11

The Merriman-Webster on-line dictionary defines hope when used as a transitive verb as:

           1. to desire with expectation of obtainment

           2. to expect with confidence
              (https://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/hope).

I looked up the term transitive verb too, since it has been awhile since I studied grammar.  Here is what I found: 

 A transitive verb has two characteristics.
First, it is an action verb, expressing a doable activity like kick, want, paint write, eat, clean
Second, it must have a direct object, something or someone who receives the action of the verb (http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/transitiveverb.htm).

In thinking about Job 6:11 in light of this definition, hope then, is an action of expectation in some outcome (direct object).

The second definition—confidently expecting something to happen—one would assume that this particular something would be a positive or desired something.

I have often come to the book of Job to learn how to depend on faith alone when all else seems to be falling apart around me. Job is asking how he could possibly still find a reason for hope. I think the end of his story is that God alone is hope. No matter what is happening—no matter how dreadful and hopeless things might appear, we still carry with us the real-live genuine hope in our living God. This is the same hope that Jesus kept in the forefront while enduring his torture and crucifixion. This is the same hope that his mother, Mary held in her heart when she faced ridicule and dishonor over a pregnancy out of wedlock. This is the same hope that kept Paul’s mental state confident and sharp enough to pen his amazing epistles even while incarcerated. Or that gave Stephen the ability to be at peace and ask forgiveness for his murderers as he was being stoned to death.

We have many examples of hope. When we expect with confidence that something better is ahead, that is hope. When we don’t look at circumstances, but rather expect to see the desires of our heart to come true, that is hope. 

I will be exploring this amazing gift that we have been given—the gift of hope. I know there will be many more nuggets of understanding a-waiting, and I am looking forward to (that is hope!) finding some incredible jewels in the days ahead.

Stay tuned!

I Need My Gratitude Filter Back in Place

I am feeling sorry for myself today. Getting through the holidays with a broken elbow was not easy, but I did manage. My kids pitched in more than usual, and it all worked out. But now, Christmas is over and I can’t get the decorations put away.  My blind husband wants to help, but he just makes more things for me to clean up. People did offer to help me when I really didn’t need the help while my kids were here.  What I would like is someone else to fix and clean up dinner. I would like someone else to clean the house.

I have lost my gratitude filter and I really need to find it again.

Usually I am so grateful for all that I have. Usually, I find the good in even the darkest of days. I don’t know why I am so grumpy and displeased with everything around me.  I need a do-over for this day.

There is a beautiful sunset in view out my dining room window. It is rather spectacular. I am blessed that I can see it. I can describe it to my blind husband, but I could never really do it justice.  I am grateful that I can see. My house is warm and cozy. We have a refrigerator full of holiday leftovers.

I am blessed, and I will find my gratitude filter once again.

Wise Words While Waiting in the ER

Today while waiting in the ER for the paperwork to come through for my x-rays, I was chatting with a grandparent of a former student at my school where I was a principal. He told me that I was way too young to be retired. I told him that I did retire a bit early because I was out of integrity with what I know to be right in meeting the needs of our youngest children in school. I shared about taking away play time and expecting all five year olds to be fluent readers when the eye muscles do not fully develop, especially in boys, until age eight. Yet we tell the parents of these still developing five year olds that something is “wrong” with their child. 

He asked who was making us do the things I thought were not right. When I shared that the legislators who base their thinking on their own gifted children’s performance were the ones making the decisions, he said, “Gifted? You mean wealthy, right?”  While these two words are not supposed to be synonymous, somehow, they really kind of are when it comes to school success.

Then, he said that I should use my retirement and my expertise to change things. I told him my staff had encouraged me to go to Columbus and be a voice. He asked me what was stopping me.  I really didn’t have an answer.

I will be taking to heart this wise gentleman’s words. 

How Long Does The Lesson Really Need To Be?

As I ponder the forced stillness, relatively speaking, due to a broken elbow, I am sad about not being able to do my favorite two things – play my guitar in our Praise Team at church and swim laps. I don’t find out until tomorrow how long I have to give up these most important activities in my life.  Part of me doesn’t even want to hear the verdict.

I made it through Christmas and even held my baby granddaughter some, although she is at the very wiggly stage now and it was not an easy thing to do one-armed.

I can’t put away my Christmas decorations.

I can’t scrub pots and pans.

I can’t take off my bra by myself.

But those things don’t bother me nearly as much as my swimming and guitar playing.

I am guessing there is supposed to be a lesson here. I don’t have a clue yet what that is.  I figure that tomorrow’s news from the specialist will be in direct proportion to how much time it will take my thick brain to get it.

For a smart girl, I just can’t reckon with how slowly I learn life’s most important lessons. I usually am a quick-study, but sometimes I think I make this harder than it needs to be.  Praying for open ears to hear what I need, and may the lesson-learning time be short!

A One-Armed Christmas Eve

While delivering my homemade plate of cookies to a neighbor, I tripped over a rock at the edge of their sidewalk and broke my elbow.  There really isn't a good time for this to happen to anybody, but a few days before Christmas was certainly not in the plans!


Now today is Christmas Eve.

As I sit here thinking of all I want to get accomplished today and how I can do none of it on my own with only one arm, I am repeatedly reminded that these "things" I want done really have nothing to do with why this day is my favorite day of the year. Yes, I want my family traditions to take place today, but if they don't happen just like I want them to, I cannot forget the joy this day brings to the world. The day when all Christians remember, if only briefly whose they are, a powerful, yet peaceful presence surrounds us. Even before I became a Christian, I was aware of something different on Christmas Eve, and I wanted to know that peace for myself. It was this evidence of the peace of Christ that led me on my life's journey, and I am ever grateful. The special things I like to do really have nothing to do with what is really important.

I am forced to reckon with this, and it really is okay.

Enough Adulting for the Day

Some friends are posting pictures on Facebook of a beautiful beach vacation.  While I am shoveling the snow from my driveway, they are bathing suit-clad, with drink in hand; on pristine white sands with azure, calm waters in the background. I am trying to be happy for them in their leisure time. Instead, I am fighting the green-eyed monster of jealousy.

I have worked hard all of my life. I have spent countless hours trying to make a living by helping others to make a better life for themselves, yet somehow, the bank account never seems full enough to plan for a vacation. I haven’t really had a vacation for several years. I would like to be on a beach too. The ocean is my favorite place to be and it has been too long since I have been able to enjoy my time there.

To make matters worse, I know that my friends have had tough economic times too. They have made it through them and now are enjoying the fruits of their labor. They deserve to do just that.  But don’t I too?

It is hard to rejoice for others when they get what is out of reach for ourselves. I know that I need to look to God for my rest, and not a beachfront hotel room. But sometimes it would just be nice to be the one with the beautiful photos on Facebook.

I guess I need to start a vacation savings account. Then, even when the bills are screaming for more than I have to accommodate, I will have another pot to pull from. 

That is enough adulting for today.

Hallmark Movie Sad

Just wiping the tears after watching another Hallmark Christmas movie. It makes me wonder why these movies all make me cry. I am aware of so many blessings in my life, and yet, when I watch these movies, there is an empty, lonely part of me that is longing for something just out of reach. I am not quite sure, however, exactly what that is all about.

I have a beautiful home, three beautiful children who are happy in their grown-up lives. I have two amazing granddaughters and a husband who dearly loves me. I have a fulfilling life and so much to be grateful for. What could I possibly be longing for?

There is a part of me that feels alone.

My children live in other places, and I don’t get to spend much time with them.  I hardly get to watch my grandbabies grow, only getting a day here or there about once a month or less.

My husband is blind and cannot help with anything around the house. As a matter of fact, I have extra things to do to clean up after him since he cannot see the everyday messes.

Our finances are tight and we haven’t had a vacation in years with none on the horizon.

I guess these realities are weighing more heavily on my heart than I care to admit.

I want a Hallmark movie life. Yet, I have been given more than that. I have been given a calling and a purpose that is beyond my imaginations.  Then why do I feel sad?

I guess it is just Hallmark movie sad. It isn’t really sad. When I put my thoughts and focus on the living Christ in me, I am immediately restored to wholeness once more.

Perhaps it is a good thing that I don’t imbibe in these back-to-back movies too often. I sure don’t want to forget Whose I am. Not ever!

Learning to Live Loved

Last night I was able to participate in a conference call to learn to tap into the powerful energy of love. As I continue to ponder the powerful presence of that loving community from last night’s call, I am wondering how much more healing of old wounds still needs to take place.

Growing up in a home with only conditional love, and where I could never seem to meet those conditions, I have spent many decades undoing the hurt and pain. I really think I am close to being fully healed, but there is a tiny part that pops up now and then still screaming quite loudly that I am unworthy to be loved.

I am so looking forward to embracing this community of love and truly and FINALLY learn to receive without parameters. Just trying to picture what it might be like to actually live loved every moment of ever day.  Makes me smile just thinking about it!

Two Things

Two out of the ordinary things happened yesterday. One was an amazing, exciting blessing. The other was a very hard pill to swallow. While reveling in the amazing, wonderful thing, it was easy to not think about the other. Yet, all night long, my unresolved emotions around the other kept waking me up, reminding me of my imperfections and my less-thans.

This morning, I resolved to not allow the difficult thing to overshadow the blessings of the joyous. It is hard, but I have come to realize that as I put my focus on Papa, it becomes much easier.

The biggest effort for me is to allow the joy even though there is this huge hurdle that I still will need to navigate.

It made me ponder my reactions when these two things happened so close together. I received both pieces of news literally in minutes of one another. Yet, for the first time in my life, I did not jump on the emotional roller-coaster. I feel like I have finally matured a bit in this arena, and that is a very good thing.

Two huge things with two opposite effects. Yet, here I stand—whole and centered in the love of the Father. And I am at peace.

His Presence Is With Me

Today I spent some time in my previous work place. It looks the same, but it definitely does not feel the same. As one enters the door, the tension is very evident. There seems to be so many unsaid things pressing on the hearts of those still there. I saw those who remember what it used to be like when the place was welcoming and brimming with love, and they were sad in their current state.

When I worked there, I prayed many, many times over that building and its people. I made it my goal to create a warm and friendly atmosphere. I continually sent the message that this was a place where people cared about one another. Now that I am gone, I am left wondering why that all left with me?

I don’t think I have a magic touch. I know I am not all that skilled or gifted, but what I brought to my work was the presence of the Lord.

It is a dreary, miserable place when the Lord is mostly absent. 

I am sad for those still there. Their hearts are longing for what used to be, and I am so sorry that it left with me. I didn’t expect that to happen. I thought things would carry on without me. They didn’t.

I wish I had words of hope for those still there. I don’t. Some have left. Some are planning to leave. Some feel stuck. Yet the reality is that it isn’t about one leader. It’s about a decision to welcome all that is good and to reject and reframe the negativity.

I know they have that ability, but unless one recognizes where the real power lies, they become like a leaf—dried, brown, and blown about in the cold, dreary winds of winter.

I will pray for their spring of new life. I will pray for the goodness of the Lord to return to them. I will pray for hearts of sweetness once again. Where the presence of the Lord is, there is a peace that is beyond our comprehension.

I will also rejoice in knowing that when I am present, so is He.

Unforgiving Dog

I am rather new to doggie-hood.  I never really had a dog growing up, and it wasn’t until my son got out on his own and found Boone—the best dog in the entire world—that I started to understand the amazing joy that dogs can bring.  Boone is so smart and was so much fun in his younger years.

My daughter and her husband got a dog that was very different. Tonks is a much more high maintenance doggie, but very loving nonetheless. I don’t really like taking her for walks because she has her own opinion about which way we should go, but for the most part she and I get along quite well, and she is so amazing with my young granddaughters.

My husband and I have only been married a year. He had his dog, Sable, for over twenty years, and I was getting very used to her doggie-ways as well. Jon is visually impaired, and he moved to Ohio to be closer to me. As Jon’s vision began getting worse, I had to start doing most of the extra things for Sable such as baths and eardrops. I found her to be very stoic when I had to perform these tasks. She would just look sad, and stand very still until we would finish. When the job was done, she would prance and leap again, being the happy dog I knew her to be.

Now we have a service dog in the house. His name is Grizzly, and while he is mostly loving, I am finding that it is very hard for him to forgive me when it comes to the ear drops.  Even when I show him open hands and offer a treat, he will glare at me, grab the treat and not let me love on him at all.  This will go on for many hours after the ear drops, and sometimes even days. I am not used to an unforgiving doggie.

As I began pondering Grizzly’s unforgiving attitude, it seemed quite interesting to me how different these dogs in my life have been. I have always been quick to forgive others, and so it has been rather heartbreaking to have Grizzly turn on me so quickly. Just when I think we have built some trust again, his left ear gets inflamed and I have to start the ear wash again.  It makes me wonder how we teach forgiveness. I really don’t know how to do that.  I was born with a personality that wants to make things better around me. Forgiveness is such an important aspect in that process.

Grizzly will run from me most of the day today, expecting the worst from me (those awful drops in the ear!). I just want to love on him and let him know that I am trying to help him stop scratching. He doesn’t understand that I am helping him.

I wonder how many of us have lived in a state of unforgiveness when we really didn’t understand all of the circumstances? I wonder how many lost moments of fellowship have happened because of wrong expectations?

I am learning about unforgiveness from our doggie, but I want to know how to turn it around. 

I sure am open to suggestions!

We Have What We Asked For

Today, I was pondering the mess our country is in, and I was reminded of how we got ourselves into this place to begin with.  In the eighth chapter of I Samuel, the people demanded that Samuel, the Lord’s prophet, find a king to rule over them.  He was getting up in years and they wanted to be like the other nations around them. They wanted a person to lead them (vs. 4) and to fight their battles (vs. 20).

Samuel was disturbed by this and asked the Lord what to do.  God told him to tell the people what would happen if they appointed a King.  Samuel told the people exactly what God said. They king would:

a.     Take the young men to create a military (vs. 11)

b.     Decide which jobs those young men could have (vs. 12)

c.      Use the young men to make weapons of war (vs. 12)

d.     Make their daughters to have to work outside their home as beauticians, waitresses and cooks (vs. 13)

e.     Take the best of their crops (vs. 14)

f.      Take a tenth of their grain and wine as a tax to support his staff (vs. 15)

g.     Take the best of their animals and servants for his own use (vs. 16)

h.     Put a tax on their flocks, making them no better than his slaves (vs. 17)

He also said that the people would not like these things and would complain about them, but to not expect God to answer (vs. 18).

Samuel tried one last time to dissuade them, and once more asked the Lord what to do.  His answer?  “Listen to them and give them a King.” (vs. 22).  He told Samuel that he should listen to the people because they were not rejecting the prophet, but God Himself as their King. (vs. 7).

I guess we have now what we asked for.

Sitting in the Hallway

Today I am feeling a bit down and discouraged. I still do not understand the plans that God has been preparing for me. I still do not really know what to expect, and I have been trying to not have expectations at all.  That is not an easy thing to do.

I have been a planner all of my life. I have made my way in the world by organizing my thoughts and then implementing my decisions. It has worked pretty well for me, although most of my endeavors did not turn out they way I had imagined.

It’s all good, though.  The first thing I do—before the decision is even started—I  pray. I ask God to lead me and to open the doors that need to be opened and shut the doors that should be shut. I guess I might have done a better job of asking which doors  I should even acknowledge, and then maybe I wouldn’t have had so many hallway experiences.

So, I here I sit in the hallway once again. Doors are shut all around me, and I am waiting. I am waiting for the right door to open so that I can once again partner with Papa—the thing I want most in life!

It is hard to not let the blues set in. It is hard to not think about the over-stretched bank account and the opportunities that still are out of reach for me to change that. It is hard to stay focused on trusting Him, when things are so silent.

Here I sit in the quiet, left to my own thoughts. Sometimes that is not a good thing—especially when the old tapes start playing again: you are unworthy; you are too much and not enough; no one cares about you… blah…. Blah….blah.

I will remember who I am, and the purpose that I have been created to fulfill, but that means sitting in the hallway, waiting once again.

I will  remember that being a part of Papa’s great adventures is well worth wait!

Spirit of Jonah

What do you do when God calls you to something so big and amazingly huge? It makes me feel even smaller and less equipped. Today, I am wrestling with those feelings of unworthiness and wondering why He would choose little ole’ me for such an enormous and important task. 

I keep coming back to Jonah. God asked Jonah to go to the great city of Ninevah. The inhabitants of Ninevah were continually committing evil acts, and Jonah wanted God to destroy the city. He was angry that God would even consider giving them an opportunity to repent.  So instead of going where he was told to go, he went in the opposite direction. 

Of course we know the story – the ship he was on almost became lost in a horrible storm until the crew threw Jonah overboard. Then God made a giant fish to swallow up Jonah and for three days in the belly of the fish, Jonah was able to repent of his disobedience. I suppose spending 72 hours in a giant fish’s gullet would cause anyone to repent, but the task was not in Jonah’s heart.  When he was spit out onto land again, he did what he was told, but he was not happy about it.

Then to make matters even harder for him, as soon as Jonah said what God told him to, all of the people of Ninevah repented. Talk about ticked!  Jonah wanted God to destroy these evil people, and here God was giving them another chance.  Jonah was one unhappy camper. God tried to teach him with the gourd vine about his place in God’s plans. I imagine Jonah still didn’t really like the outcome.

Okay, so what caused the people of Ninevah to repent?  Certainly not because Jonah had a heart of love and compassion to help them see the goodness of God. It had to be the Spirit of the Lord that took the veil from their eyes.

I am praying for that same spirit—the spirit that was upon Jonah—to go before me.  Unlike Jonah, I do have compassion for the people I am called to wake up. I care about them, and I want only good for them. But it will take an anointing from God to open eyes and help hearts heal--really seeing what He wants them to see.

It is not about me. It never has been. I hope whoever is reading this will stand with me in this giant task ahead. May the spirit that was upon Jonah spread over the people I am sent to and may eyes be opened to truth as we work together to heal our land.