I haven't blogged for quite awhile. It isn't because I haven't had much to think about or that I am not still being taught many new lessons. Daily, I am amazed at how much I still have to learn. What I do know now that I didn't know before is that we just aren't ever "there." When I was a young girl, I thought that college kids were the most amazing people in the world. They seemed so vibrant and energized and eager. I told myself that one day, I too would be a college kid. Then when I became a college kid, I realized that this wasn't an ending point in the growing process. I knew I had much to learn and even more to unlearn, and the journey was not an easy one.
Then, as a college student, I longed to be a wife and mother. I told myself that when I made it to this point of having a family, then I would be fulfilled and truly happy. While I loved motherhood more than any other time of my life, things still won't really go as planned. Perhaps it was too many "Leave It To Beaver" episodes under my belt, but I really believed that any family concern could be resolved simply with good communication. What I didn't realize was that it takes much more than talking. It takes changing, and forgiving, and patience, and resilience, and growing. And when one partner is willing to go through those growing pains and the other is not, stability goes right out the window.
I have learned to trust God and not people. I have learned to expect bumps in the road, but to know that God has me in His hands. I have learned that people will always let you down, but we need to love them anyway. I have learned that life is hard and that there really isn't an age that will feel like I finally made it (until Heaven, that is). I have learned that everyone has a story and a personal journey they must make. I have learned that loving others is the heart of making a difference in this life. I have learned that we need each other, so we better learn quickly how to resolve our differences. I have learned the grass is NOT greener over in that spot we think it might be. I have learned that the lessons will keep coming. I have learned that nothing is really easy, and if it is, it probably isn't going to stay that way for long. I have learned that living in the present is how to find joy and peace. I have learned that I need to feel God close to me with every breath, or I won't be OK. I have learned that I still have much to learn.
