Called Beyond the Circumstances

For better or for worse; in sickness and in health…

Yeah, I agreed to those words twenty-seven months ago.

Today, however, it is quite difficult to even remember why, and this is exactly how I know my marriage is under attack.

I could go on and on about all of the things wrong with my spouse. I could easily regale you with tales that would have you fully comforting me with your utmost sympathy and absolute pity.

That, however, is not what is needed.

Instead, I must be reminded that we are at war.

The enemy would like nothing better than for me to wallow in despair over getting myself stuck once more with a husband who is not able to support me in the way I desire.

Of course, I knew this before I said yes to those vows. I knew that marrying a man who is blind and has lived alone for over half a century would have many hard-to-live-with quirks. I also knew, through past experience that wives cannot change their husbands. Knowing all of this, I walked through and said “yes” anyway.

The best ammunition for me is to take stock of why I made that decision. There were plenty of yes-reasons, and I refuse to allow this battle to erase them from my memory banks.

So, for today, I will recount my list of why the yeses outweighed the nos.

Today, I will remind myself of God’s calling on my husband’s life.

Today, I will remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.

Today, I will ensure I never forget who the real enemy is.

As I type these words, I am already feeling a calm and a peace that can only come from the Prince of Peace. This is how I know that the battle is not mine. It may feel that way if I get caught up in the circumstances.

We are called to look beyond them. Today, I will give my spouse to Jesus, and let Him do the work.

In The Waiting Room Again

The idea resonated instantly. I immediately felt energized about the endeavor. I poured tons of time into getting things started.

And now, I wait.

I sit in the waiting room, pondering why it always seems like this. I get so close to seeing something amazing happen, and then, almost like a test to see if I truly will trust what is unseen, just short of moving forward, everything screeches to a complete stand still.

This seems to be the story of my life.

Which, then, reminds me that I must not yet have learned the lesson.

So, here I sit, waiting, and watching. I remain steadfast, knowing the outcome has nothing to do with me at all.

It is easy to say I trust, but in the quiet waiting room of faith, it is incredibly difficult work.

I don’t like it in the waiting room, and yet, it seems I spend most of my time here. When I have asked the Holy Spirit what I was to do while sitting in the wait, I have been told the same thing three times, “Learn to live loved.”

It feels most unloving, however, to see an amazing end result just short of my reach as though I could never obtain it.

Now I know the lesson.

Trust means to not look at the results, but to trust the One who created the process.

My prayer for today is to not compare myself to those who seem to easily, and almost effortlessly get the results they want. I know I have my own personal journey here.

So, I wait. Living loved.

From Zero To Tears in Ten Seconds

Last night, I had the opportunity to practice giving a word of prophecy. I am a student in the School of Kingdom Ministry that is sponsored through the Vineyard Church. Although I have not been given the gift of prophecy, I understand that all of God’s people are able and expected to walk in this manifestation. This year-long training has been affirming and so amazing for several reasons.

First, I am in awe as to how Papa works with each of us so differently. I am the only one in our group who receives words of knowledge, words of wisdom and prophecy by seeing words that I “read”.  Some of the other students get pictures, others hear words, and some just get a gut feeling. I actually see words. When I speak them, more information comes, but the overriding sense of knowing that I am hearing from the Holy Spirit still is in words, not pictures.

I often wish I had pictures because they seem so much more vivid, yet the beauty is that there isn’t a “right” or “wrong” way. Rather we each have our own unique way of connecting with the Holy Spirit to walk out our journey in bringing the Kingdom of Jesus into the lives of those around us.

We were in groups of three, having only a few minutes to practice before the night was finished. When I checked in with the Holy Spirit, I was told to be a listener.

This made me smile, because I often am the first to speak. It is good for me to be still and wait. That in of itself was training.

As the first person in our group gave a word to the other person, I watched how quickly the receiver resonated with what was being spoken over her. While I was listening, I realized why I was supposed to listen first. It was because the one giving the word was acting in accordance with the word I was receiving for her. Because I saw her live it out, I was able to speak over her with authority.

The most exciting part was how I knew the words I spoke were not originated from my own thoughts. I watched this young lady go from a smile to tears within ten seconds. Those tears were complete affirmation that God was doing a work in her, and she knew it to be true. There would be nothing I could conjure up that could make that kind of an impact so quickly.

She knew in her heart that God was speaking directly to her through me.

What a privilege and an honor to be able to partner with Almighty God to bring His Kingdom to Earth and to His people!

From zero to tears of resolute joy in ten seconds. Only God!

Meno -- Abide!

This morning, for some reason, I felt compelled to do a word study on meno’ which is translated as abide, remains, continues, tarries, stays and in the Message version, live deeply. This word is used 118 times in the Bible, and a whopping 67 of those times are at the hand of John.  This word is used 40 times in the Gospel of John; 23 times in I John, and another 3 in 2 John.  If we count the one in Revelations and some derivatives of that word, the numbers go even higher.

I’m not much of a Bible scholar, but when this kind of energy is being poured into me to cause me to gather my study tools to look up lots of verses, I am learning to ask why.

What does it mean to abide? To remain? I think it means to stay so deeply attached that nothing can shake us loose. I can see myself holding onto the life line while on the ship’s bow during a huge storm. The only thing keeping me from being washed into the turbulent sea is my grip on the very rope I’m holding. Nothing can pry my fingers loose. My knuckles may turn white, my arm muscles might tighten to the point of cramping, but I will not let go.  To me, that is abiding.

For another strange reason, I am reminded of a nickname I was given by a two-year old with William’s Syndrome.  Little Dara Day was such a delightful child, and the moment that I moved into the apartment connected to hers, we fell in love with each other.

Dara couldn’t say Linda, so she called me “Minno.”  I could not, for the life of me, figure out how she got Minno out of Linda, but her parents and I thought it was so endearing, that they still call me that to this day.

I think now, Dara was calling me Meno’.  She knew I was staying there, next door to her. In her childlike ways, I see now that she rested in knowing that I wasn’t like her family’s other friends who would come and I go. I actually was going to continue to live there. I would abide as her neighbor. I meno’d there!

When the storms of life and the ensuing chaos comes, I will picture my home in that apartment, next door to little Dara Day. Dara who knew that her new grown-up friend lived there, and would stay and hang out.

Abide.

Meno!