I Can Do This!

 Devastating news.  Felt like a kick in the solar plexus.  I could not believe I was the last to know, and perhaps that might have been the most hurtful part.  When I heard the news, it was all about me.  What will I do?  How will I cope?  How will I have time to do this?  More work and more stress for me and I can’t handle it!

Then, I decided to think about why I had some time off of work.  It was Thanksgiving.  Time to be with my family and be grateful for what I have.  So, I managed to bracket the reality from work, and enjoy my holiday with those I love.

But today, I am back home and am reminded of what I am facing, and again the “poor me” syndrome started again.  Until…… I remembered my daily prayer.  I ask God to use me for HIS Kingdom purposes.  I ask him every morning to help me make a difference in the life of someone.  And now, I have FINALLY been able to reframe this very hard news.  God is going to bring someone else into my life and He must have a very good reason for it.  I will embrace it, and know that He will give me what I need to handle this and more if I need to.

I don’t like it.  It is not MY plan.  But then again, it never really is.

Spoiled or Abundantly Blessed?

This morning as I was putting clean 800 thread count cobalt blue sheets that match my comforter set onto my Tempur-pedic bed, I was overcome with a sense of grief for those who are cold and have no bed to call their own.  I was kicking out of the way, the growing pile of Christmas gifts for my family that has started to gather at my bedside for this season of giving, and again, my heart was broken for those who don't know how they will be able to give a gift at all to those they love.  I know I am spoiled and have so much to be grateful for.  I have been blessed with so much, yet I am filled with grief that there are so many hurting people in this world.  I also don't know what to do to really help make a difference. 

I wrestle with guilt – I have so many blessings upon blessings, while others have nothing but anguish and need.  Yet I have no desire to give up my many comforts.  I certainly give – often and generously, but never enough to make me have any lack.  I know God has never called His people to give up everything unless He has a plan to pay back even more fully.  I am not afraid to trust Him, but I don’t want to really suffer – hence the guilt.

I haven’t always had such abundance.  I know what it is like to not have money for food or bills.  I also don’t ever really want to go back to that experience again.  It was not fun.  But even when I had no clue how I would eat the next day, I was warm and I had a comfortable bed and running water.  I have never REALLY suffered like so many in the world do.  I know that the poor will always be with us, but it just seems that there is such a HUGE gap between the very rich and the very poor.

Dear God, please find a warm place for those in need tonight.  My heart breaks for their suffering.  Help them to know You as Sustainer and Provider, as I have known You.  Help them see their way out of their need and into Your abundance.  Help me to know how to be a wise giver, and to have Your eyes when I need them.

Tired

Just when I think I can't deal with one more thing, there are nine more things that need my immediate attention.  And so, without thinking, I just address each one as best I can -- just doing each task without thinking about how much stuff there is hitting me at once.  Just dealing with the task at hand.

Being the "big picture" kinda gal that I am, this actually takes great focus and effort for me to NOT think ahead but to be in the moment with what I have going on -- and ONLY that.  It is real work for me!  But as I get through each of the things thrown at me, and finally get to the end of my day, I realize it was another win!  I handled life.  I was my best that I could be, doing the work God has called me to do.  But I'm tired.

What I WANT is a beachfront house with no one needing anything from me.  I want days with no plans, no meetings, no appointments, no one expecting things from me.  But knowing myself, I would only enjoy this kind of life for about 2 days, and then I would start making plans.  How much better to know that God has made BETTER plans for me -- plans to prosper me and NOT harm me.  Plans to give me hope and a future.  Thanks for the great reminder, Jeremiah!

I also want to know when it finally ends.  When does the rat race of life finally become the blessings of living in eternity with Christ?  I am so ready for Christ's return.  I am ready to say that this work is done.  Yet, the reality is -- God says it isn't.  He says there are more people that need to know His love and I am supposed to give it.  He says there are more people who need to know who Jesus is and I am supposed to tell them.  He says there are more people who need an encouraging word, and I am supposed to give it.  So, I will breathe, and muster it up, for another day is about to begin.  Wonder what He has in store for me today?