Refining Fire

Last night during a prayer and worship time, we were singing a song about being refined into pure gold, and welcoming that refining process. I was convicted into the very depths of my being because I suddenly realized that I have spent my entire life resenting God's refining of my soul. During those times I have felt angry. I have been frustrated. I have allowed feelings of abandonment and loneliness to overshadow my desire to be purified.
Before bed, as I began to think through this conviction, I was knocked to my knees in repentance.
I am so sorry that I have resented God’s desire to purify me.
I wonder how much easier things might have been along the way had I understood the depth of His goodness through the pain.
I’m thankful for His grace and forgiveness, yet sad that it has taken me so long to actually desire His refining.
Today is a new day. A day where I am remembering the refining process through the years, and I’m grateful for God's fire on the journey that has created in me His purity and holiness.

Just Like the Dew

Today on my morning walk, I noticed the sun glistening on the dew in such a spectacular way. While I was pondering how this beauty would be short-lived as soon as the sun dried up the dew, I was reminded that the light is reflected in all of its glory because of the water.  I was also remembering how Jesus calls Himself the living water, and it is through Him that the light dispels the darkness. Without the water, though, the light is just light. When the light shines through the water droplets, then it becomes a take-your-breath-away kind of experience.

I want to be that kind of light—the kind that glistens in such a way that it can’t possibly go unnoticed. That kind of perfect light is only through the flow of the living water—Jesus.

What does it take to never be without the evidence of Jesus?

How does one get to the place, like Peter, where people want to rest in even just a shadow to catch some of the glory there?

How do the desires of our hearts to be one with the Father become such a driving force that nothing else matters?

We have so many amazing reminders of the goodness of God, and yet, it is all too easy to be caught up in the busyness of everyday life. Learning to let go of self is probably the hardest lesson of all.

Today, I choose to flow with living water. May my presence bring the presence of God Almighty with me. May I remember to abide in the vine, and never forget my calling. May I bring the love of the Father to a hurting world this day and every day.

Just as the dew sparkles in the sunlight, may the gift of Holy Spirit effervesce within me so that I can say like Jesus—those who have seen me, have seen the Father.

Is that a bold statement?

You bet it is, but I believe that God is calling His children to rise up and allow His presence to permeate the world.

Thank you for allowing me to be the dew.

Ready

It has been a rather lonely time for me. I have been in Papa’s waiting room for over two years now. I have watched others in ministry flourish and produce in ways that have only been a dream for me. Books written and received, workshops planned and well-attended with beautiful outcomes, relationships knit closer together—I have wanted all of these, and yet, I have been sitting in the hallway waiting for the doors to open.

I have had prophecies spoken over me reminding me of my leadership qualities, and yet, as of now, the only leading I’ve been able to do is with the dog. And he’s not much of a follower!

I have been told that my words break barriers, but all I have seen are broken-hearted people who shy away from me, even when I want to be a support and a source of love and belonging.

I have a desire on my heart to provide financial abundance in huge ways for others, yet each month, my checkbook manages to squeak by in the black, but just barely.

None of this is how I want it to be, and yet, I sit waiting and wondering if I missed the nudge to do something.  It is my nature to make things happen, but when I place my thoughts there, I’m reminded the time is not yet.

Lately, the prophecies I hear are how the doors are going to open and the “suddenly’s” are going to happen.

It is so hard to not feel that I missed the train. I know that is the voice from the father of lies, but this is truly the longest I have gone in my life without some outcome that somehow makes me believe I have proof of my worth.  Isn’t that funny? I know in my heart I don’t have to do a single thing to prove I deserve to breathe the air I breathe, and yet, without adding a tally to my list of accomplishments, I feel like I’ve wasted two entire years of my life.

Then today, the Holy Spirit told me to read Psalm 20:4:  May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. My spirit stirred, and I distinctly heard that the time is now, so I allowed a spring of hope to come to the surface once again.

I was then directed to Ephesians 3:12: In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

I felt in the very core of my being that Papa is telling me that now is the time for things to move again. I am so ready, and yet, I’m also wanting to ensure I am free from the pangs of discouragement that have plagued me on and off for all these months.

Believing for new friends to stand with me, and new open doors to live out my destiny.

I’m ready!

A Funk or A Calling?

Lately, I have been in a bit of a funk. Every day seems to be an all-out battle for my thoughts to be brought captive unto the obedience of Christ. Learning to let go of a critical spirit and to replace my frustrations with grace and gratitude is a constant in my life these days.

I have so much for which to be grateful, yet how easy it is to see all that I don’t have, and still desire. I don’t measure up to my expectations as to how I think I should act and feel. My prayers are scattered all over the place, and I find my thoughts wandering to meaningless places even when I purposely plan to focus on spiritual matters and things.

I wonder why the struggle is so real and very raw.

Then, I hear in the news of the attacks in Mozambique on beautiful Christian leaders. People being beheaded for their faith; villages burned, families torn apart because of their decision to follow Christ.

Israel is being bombed daily. Children do not have a safe place to be children, having to grow up so quickly in a land under constant attack.

Friends on social media reporting of grave illnesses, and untimely deaths. Suicides. Relationships ripped apart by addictions. The list could go on and on, but I don’t want to give glory to the author of these painful realities.

Today, I realized that my unsettledness was not really me, but the spirit within me. There is so much that needs to happen in the Courts of Heaven to help people move from darkness into the light.

I wonder how long the battle will rage, and of course I know the answer is until Christ returns to gather His Bride.

Instead of remaining in this funk, I am prodded to pray and intercede. I see there is so much still to be done. Instead of wallowing in my personal pity party, I instead am rising up in my calling to intercession and moving Heaven to Earth through prayer and the dunamis power within me.

It is an honor to be chosen. I don’t deserve it, yet I’m called anyway.

And so are you.

Wake up, Bride. We have much work to do!