Sitting in the Hallway

Today I am feeling a bit down and discouraged. I still do not understand the plans that God has been preparing for me. I still do not really know what to expect, and I have been trying to not have expectations at all.  That is not an easy thing to do.

I have been a planner all of my life. I have made my way in the world by organizing my thoughts and then implementing my decisions. It has worked pretty well for me, although most of my endeavors did not turn out they way I had imagined.

It’s all good, though.  The first thing I do—before the decision is even started—I  pray. I ask God to lead me and to open the doors that need to be opened and shut the doors that should be shut. I guess I might have done a better job of asking which doors  I should even acknowledge, and then maybe I wouldn’t have had so many hallway experiences.

So, I here I sit in the hallway once again. Doors are shut all around me, and I am waiting. I am waiting for the right door to open so that I can once again partner with Papa—the thing I want most in life!

It is hard to not let the blues set in. It is hard to not think about the over-stretched bank account and the opportunities that still are out of reach for me to change that. It is hard to stay focused on trusting Him, when things are so silent.

Here I sit in the quiet, left to my own thoughts. Sometimes that is not a good thing—especially when the old tapes start playing again: you are unworthy; you are too much and not enough; no one cares about you… blah…. Blah….blah.

I will remember who I am, and the purpose that I have been created to fulfill, but that means sitting in the hallway, waiting once again.

I will  remember that being a part of Papa’s great adventures is well worth wait!