Find Your Voice or Fear?

This week I was in a meeting that turned very ugly. I didn’t speak up or put a stop to the character assassination that was taking place. I have dedicated my life to helping others find their voice to create a culture of kindness and caring, and here I was—unable to find my own.

I have been pondering why that happened.

There were some social dynamics in place that may have played a role. First the verbal abuser was a leader and in charge of the meeting. It has been ingrained in my very essence to be respectful of authority. In this meeting, at least in my mind, the leader had some level of authority over me. Looking back, it seems beyond ludicrous, but that dynamic was present—real or imagined.

Another factor was that the person being criticized was also in the meeting. Not only is this person also a leader, but is the leader over the entire organization. Once again, my indoctrination of social practices overruled my heart. It wasn’t “my place” seemed to take precedent over doing what was right.

I am shocked at this revelation. How can I preach to others to find their voice?  How can I tell others to stand up and speak out to make things right, and then be so stuck in obeying made-up social rules?

It is so easy for me to tell others how to speak up, and yet when the eyes are on me, my strength and resolution to do what is right are overshadowed by meaningless human protocols.

Of course, another factor in this situation was that the criticism was subtle, and sugar-coated in feigned helpfulness. Had this been obvious and outrageous abuse, I know I would not have hesitated. Instead, I was trying to understand this meeting leader’s intentions, expecting them to be good. Wanting them to be good.

It wasn’t until the meeting was almost over that I realized they weren’t.

I don’t want to believe that I operate out of fear, but evidently I still have a ways to go. Learning to find my voice means getting to the heart of what is really going on more quickly. It also means letting go of six decades of ingrained social processes.

No more can we say to ourselves, “it’s not my place.” When someone is hurting another we all have an obligation to speak up. Silence means agreement.  Thankfully, now I am more aware and will do better next time.