Living a Life That Matters Part 2

            I think one of the hardest parts of knowing that you matter in this life is being able to face your own self. I have spent my entire life trying to undo the damage from a poor self-esteem.  It would be easy to blame those years of  wasted efforts and energy I spent hating myself on everyone else in my world, but the reality is that this was just where Satan wanted me.  There were circumstances that made it difficult for me to feel loved, but the dark reality is that Satan had a grip on me, and he almost won the battle. 

During my junior year of high school, I was suicidal for many months. I had several escape routes planned that no one knew about, because I did not want my parents to have to bear the burden of my suicide.  I had a variety of ideas in mind that would look like an accident, and I spent FAR too many hours plotting my death so that it would look like a tragic accident, not as though I thought so little of my life and my need to live. 

That year, we did a musical, Carnival, and I was the assistant stage manager.  Some lyrics from a song from that show have long stuck in my brain, because they so describe my need to believe that SOMETHING about me mattered in this life. The song is sung by an embittered, handicapped puppeteer named Paul.   He had been injured, and walked with a limp, and was angry at the entire world about it.  He became attracted to the newest addition to the cast, young Lili.  She, however, was smitten by an arrogant, but handsome man, Marco the Magnificent, who lacked integrity, and used women for pleasure and then tossed them aside like empty candy wrappers.  Paul was angry and difficult to be around, however, his true, loving feelings came out through his puppets.  Lili becomes very attached to the puppets, not realizing that the hateful Paul is also the kind and caring heart behind the darling new friends she has made in the puppets. While Paul wrestles with his feelings, he sings:

I’ve got to find a reason

For living on this earth

I’ve got to find a reason

For taking the space I take

Breathing the air I breathe

There’s more to this there’s more to me

Something in me that needs to

Do more than suck the breath from life

Like moss and leaves and weeds do

Holding up my head

Holding down a place

Being worth a name

To go with my face

I’ve got to find a reason

For living on this earth

Something to want

Something to be

Somehow to say,

I am me!

            I sang that song over and over again that year that I was 16, because like this puppeteer Paul, I too had felt that life had not given me a fair shake.  I really believed that there had to be more out there.  I didn’t want to just “suck the breath from life,” I had to know that somehow my life mattered. 

Knowing That We Are Traveling the Right Road

Someone once said, “Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘holy smoke’ what a ride!”  I guess I would have to say, that this would not have been my preferred mode of travel, but it certainly describes the journey that I have lived.  And now looking back, I cannot imagine a life of routine, and always knowing what is coming next.  It would be nice to have SOME clue about the turns in the road that come upon us without a warning, but nevertheless, it is truly the uneven, crooked path that makes life interesting.

Remember when we looked at Ephesians 1:4?  Let’s look at that verse again!  It says,

            “just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world that we should be holy and blameless before Him in love.

             Notice that this verse starts with, “just as.”  That is a comparison, so we have to look at the verse before this one to catch the context.  And in Ephesians 1:3, it says, Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.  I bet you missed a very important word in this verse!!  See, it says “who HAS blessed us!”  “Has” is PAST tense.  In other words, God already did it.  It has already been taken care of.  So if God has already blessed me with every (notice it says EVERY!) spiritual blessing, then why am I not living that way?  And there is a caveat.  It says that “we SHOULD be holy and blameless before Him in love.”  The word “SHOULD” implies that there needs to be some effort on my part.  Well, THAT is an understatement.  Why just turn on prime time TV any given night, and it is easy to catch a glimpse of much that is completely Un-holy and full of blame --  Sex, drugs, murders, homosexuality, just to name a few.  I don’t think we can find a show on television these days that doesn’t touch on at least ONE of these areas.  So, needless to say, being holy and blameless is not an easy task.  Yet, we are called to do that, and not only to be holy and blameless, but to do so “before Him in love.”  Wow!!  That is a lot to swallow!

I don’t for one second believe that God has called us to be pious, wimpy Christians who use religiosity as a means to look holy and blameless.  I could wear dresses in dark clothing covering most of my body, and never play cards or dance or touch a drop of alcohol, but none of these things in of themselves makes me holy nor blameless. I could live in a sparse room and give all I had to serve others, but even total servitude in of itself does not make me holy and blameless. How do we become holy and blameless?  Well, the answer is still in Ephesians.  We have to keep reading!!

            “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which he lavished upon us.  In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which he purposed in Him.”  Ephesians 1:7-9 

            This part says that through Christ, we are redeemed, and we are forgiven.  Hoo boy, isn’t that a good thing!  I know I sure wouldn’t be holy and blameless on my own!!

Then let’s look at Ephesians 2 where it says that we are “dead in trespasses and sins,” (verse 1) and that while we formally walked according to the world and the prince of the power of the air (meaning Satan, in verse 2), and that we did indulge in the desires of our flesh, (verse 3), but because God loved us so much (verse 4), even though our sins make us dead (verse 5) He seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus (verse 6).  And verse 7 is so awesome, because it tells us why: 

            In order that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:7

             So basically this is saying that even though we are screw-ups, and God KNOWS we are basically screw-ups, He makes our sins dead in Christ, and has seated us already with Him in Christ.  So what makes us Holy and Blameless?  Nothing --  except the blood of Christ, and our decision to believe it.  Isn’t that just simply amazing? 

Now this does not give us permission to live a worldly, God-less life, and expect Him to just not notice, however, we do not have to live in a state of sin-consciousness because God already took care of that at the cross.