Where I Don't Want to Be

Today, I’m feeling a bit blue. Yesterday marked the twentieth anniversary of my father’s passing, and today is now nine years since my late husband left this life. I don’t know if that is why the sadness is here or not.  I have also had a relapse in my skin problem around my eyes, reminding me of this thorn in the flesh that is such an incredible annoyance.

So with my itchy, swollen, and rather hideous eyes, and my sad heart, I am once again feeling alone.

I wonder if this is how Jesus felt when he was praying in the garden for there to be another way out, and his friends couldn’t bother to stay awake in prayer for him? I wonder how many other times prior to this that he felt that no one understood what was happening.  That had to be moments filled with loneliness for him.

I wonder if this is how Jonah felt when he knew he had been disobedient and was getting thrown overboard. He stayed in the belly of the great fish for three days and three nights. I wonder what he was feeling?  Abandoned? Alone? Asked to do what he dreaded most?

I wonder if this is how Deborah felt when she tried to get Barak to get off his duff and provide leadership? Did she use the feelings she had to rise into her calling?

Or what about Joseph who was sold into slavery and then thrown into prison for being righteous and pure in heart? How must he have felt when others promised they would not forget him there, and did?

How about when Jesus was crucified and his disciples were left feeling helpless and lost?

When Peter and Paul were thrown into prison multiple times—did they even for a moment think about how alone they were? If they did, it sure didn’t last.

So now, I am pondering their resilience. How did they so quickly take their situation and turn it into the glory of God?  How did they stay their mind on the rock of Christ so that their emotions didn’t overtake their thoughts?

Today, I am calling on that power to overcome the destructive thoughts that lead to a spiral downward into self. This is never a good place to be.

As I am typing these words, I already am feeling a lift in my spirit. It is such a blessing to know that God never leaves us where we do not want to be.

Grateful!