Ready

It has been a rather lonely time for me. I have been in Papa’s waiting room for over two years now. I have watched others in ministry flourish and produce in ways that have only been a dream for me. Books written and received, workshops planned and well-attended with beautiful outcomes, relationships knit closer together—I have wanted all of these, and yet, I have been sitting in the hallway waiting for the doors to open.

I have had prophecies spoken over me reminding me of my leadership qualities, and yet, as of now, the only leading I’ve been able to do is with the dog. And he’s not much of a follower!

I have been told that my words break barriers, but all I have seen are broken-hearted people who shy away from me, even when I want to be a support and a source of love and belonging.

I have a desire on my heart to provide financial abundance in huge ways for others, yet each month, my checkbook manages to squeak by in the black, but just barely.

None of this is how I want it to be, and yet, I sit waiting and wondering if I missed the nudge to do something.  It is my nature to make things happen, but when I place my thoughts there, I’m reminded the time is not yet.

Lately, the prophecies I hear are how the doors are going to open and the “suddenly’s” are going to happen.

It is so hard to not feel that I missed the train. I know that is the voice from the father of lies, but this is truly the longest I have gone in my life without some outcome that somehow makes me believe I have proof of my worth.  Isn’t that funny? I know in my heart I don’t have to do a single thing to prove I deserve to breathe the air I breathe, and yet, without adding a tally to my list of accomplishments, I feel like I’ve wasted two entire years of my life.

Then today, the Holy Spirit told me to read Psalm 20:4:  May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. My spirit stirred, and I distinctly heard that the time is now, so I allowed a spring of hope to come to the surface once again.

I was then directed to Ephesians 3:12: In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

I felt in the very core of my being that Papa is telling me that now is the time for things to move again. I am so ready, and yet, I’m also wanting to ensure I am free from the pangs of discouragement that have plagued me on and off for all these months.

Believing for new friends to stand with me, and new open doors to live out my destiny.

I’m ready!