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I wished I loved to garden. I long for beauty around my home—flowers and greenery, and healthy trees and shrubs. I love to see beautiful lawns and manicured plant life. But the reality is, I hate the work.

I purchased fifty bags of mulch from our local high school football team. Now that I have laid out forty-four of them, I feel compelled to ponder why I dislike this work so much.

Is it the weeding? I'm not sure. There is something innately satisfying about pulling up things that don’t belong. However, when more than half of the weeds have small prickly parts, then the satisfaction is outweighed by the discomfort.  So, yes. I hate the weeding.

Is it the effort it takes? Well, I am not one to shy away from hard work, although, when the sweat drips onto my glasses while my hands are too full of dirt to wipe it away, I am not a happy camper. When my lower back is screaming at me to stop, and I still have many more feet to cover, I am also not too thrilled. When my knees say that they have had enough, and I’m not nearly done…. well, you get the picture.

I also know there is a very deep emotional disdain attached to gardening. My mother loved to garden. It was her first source of stress relief. She longed for me to want to work along side her, but there was simply too much “stuff” between us. When I did not live up to her expectations (which was quite frequently), then helping her in the garden became my punishment.  I was not allowed to play with my friends until I pulled up fifty dandelions, or planted a dozen petunias. Needless to say, the negative tension from the “Mommy wounds” is still strongly connected to anything having to do with gardening.

This morning, I stopped with just six more bags of mulch to do. I have two trees left to clear around. I wanted to finish the job today, yet these muscles that rarely get used have told me they were done. 

I am looking at the work I have completed. There is a robin prancing over the newly laid mulch around an oak tree in my back yard. She looks happy. That makes me happy too.

I want to finish the job because the results far outweigh the angst.