Just Need to Love

My friend’s dad is dying. He has just days now. I am sad for many reasons, but most of all, I am sad for my friend. She doesn’t know how to ask for help. She has been caring for her father for sixteen months, but in the last two,  he has not been able to be left alone. I admire her. She has strength beyond measure, but she is truly awful at knowing herself and her limits.

She doesn’t want my help. I’ve tried. I text and call, and she doesn’t return them. I’ve stopped in to drop off some food, and she acts as though now she owes me something in return. She doesn’t want other people around or offering words of love and encouragement. She shoves away those that could help ease the burden. Until.   Until she comes to the end of herself and she has nothing left to give.

Yesterday, she finally called me. She went too far on her own, and could not go on.

Of course I went to her house. She was fine by the time I got there. She was feeding her dad his breakfast. He is now not able to find enough breath to talk. He is so weak and frail, that just lifting a cup to his lips takes more effort than he has.

My friend is scurrying around the house, cleaning , because more company is coming.  Her brother and his wife are now there. One of her dad’s cousins and his wife from out of town are coming. She wants to have food available, but she can’t think about what to serve.

Ah, finally! Something I can do. I head to the grocery store and bring back food. I lay it out, and my friend is appreciative. Far too appreciative. She doesn’t understand that I have wanted to be by her side for many weeks. I shoved my way in there several times, but mostly she just assured me that she’s fine.

The hospital bed has arrived. So has a man from church who reads scriptures and sings to him. The cousins arrive.  It’s a madhouse of family, and I feel like now I am under foot.

I came home at the end of the day, and now of course, she doesn’t answer my text to hear how her dad did in his new hospital bed.

So I wait. I pray. I wonder how I can be of  help and support to my dear friend. I feel angry that she pushes me away when I know she needs me most.

I don’t understand, but then, I have not walked in her shoes.

Then, I remember. I don’t have to understand. I just need to love.