What's Next?

In my prayer time this week, I was asking about why, when I am speaking, my words are so very often misunderstood. Somehow, the intent behind them quite often seems to be received as stronger and far more forceful than I perceive them or want them to be.

This time, an answer came that has me still rather much in shock.

In my purpose work, I have learned that my identity is to be a barrier-breaker and a light bearer. I love understanding this because I can see, throughout my entire lifetime, this thread of truth in breaking barriers that will allow the light of Christ to enter in. What I didn’t ever know, however, was what the Holy Spirit just revealed to me.

This is an exact quote: “Linda, don’t you realize that your words have hammers attached to them?”

While pondering this for a bit, She added, “You are a barrier-breaker. Remember? You have hammers attached to your words.”

I am still trying to sort out several pieces of this revelation.

First, as soon as I heard Her say that I have hammers attached to my words, I knew in my heart of hearts it was true.

Then, almost as quickly as this affirmation came, so did my questioning heart. Why, oh why, oh why has it taken me 62 years to recognize this? I instantly ran through a host of difficult conversations and arguments that I have had over the years. Thoughts of unpleasant discussions and public meetings that did not go well immediately flashed through my brain. All I could think of was, “Why didn’t I know this sooner?” I could see how I might have been able to soften my words, had I known.  I have been unaware of this for my entire life, although I always knew something wasn't how I wanted it to be. Over the years, I have worked very hard on recognizing my tone of voice, my body language, and my word choice, yet I didn't understand that the energy attached to my words is different from that of others.

The next thing that happened was anger.

Would my first marriage not have ended in divorce if I’d been able to recognize the unintended force behind my words? Would my second marriage have been a happier one before my husband’s untimely death had I only known? Would my colleagues have wanted to collaborate more with me, had I known that I was hammering my thoughts at them without even knowing my own strength? 

Then the sadness came.

Why do these lessons take so long? How can I be such a quick study in the natural world and such a slow learner in spiritual work?

Now, I am simply pondering. My name, Linda, means soft and tender. Yet, now I see that my words have hammers attached to them. No wonder I’ve been confusing to everyone, including myself! I can’t go back and change a thing, although I surely wish I could.

Now that I have the spiritual eyes to see, I am ready to learn what is next.

How might I use my hammer-words to bring victory to those in chains? What barriers can be broken from the words of my lips? How might I be able to use this gift to glorify the One who made me?

What now?

What’s next?